Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
