I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
