do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
