and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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