It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize