i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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