This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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