your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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