I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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