I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
