Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
