Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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