When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You ate ashes out of my bong
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
