my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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