i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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