i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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