Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
