i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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