I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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