Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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