These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
