Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
