I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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