I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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