Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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