low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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