Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
