now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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