When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
