I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
