You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
