You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
