There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
