I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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