Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
