Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
