My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
