The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
