i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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