So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
