I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up under a house in Key West
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
