I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize