Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
