Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize