Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
