so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
