We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
