My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
