I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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