I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
