how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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