Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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