Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
