You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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