just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
