were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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