if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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