No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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