You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I use my feet as sexual weapons
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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