I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
