Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
