When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
