he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
