I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
