I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
