Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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