Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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