i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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