Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
