i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
